The Ladder and the Wall: Rethinking Success in Midlife
- Christian Hughes
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
There’s an old joke that middle age is climbing the ladder of success, only to realise it’s leaning against the wrong wall.
To many outwardly successful people, that might sound familiar.
Many of us reach a point — often in midlife or following a major transition — where something just isn’t working anymore. And even though we can’t always name what’s wrong, we feel it.
Because we shouldn't feel this way, right? RIGHT?
We’ve worked hard.Taken responsibility.
Built lives that look like success is supposed to look.
And yet… something feels off.
A sense of disconnection. A loss of meaning. A feeling of being stuck — like this can’t possibly be all there is.
This is what it means to reach the top of the ladder, only to find it’s been up against the wrong wall all along. The answer isn’t to keep climbing and hope it starts to feel better.The answer is to step back, get clear, and reposition the ladder — while we still can.
How Did We Get Stuck?
Most of us live by internalised rules like:
“Be strong.”
“Better safe than sorry.”
“I have to make my family proud.”
“Don’t show weakness.”
“To be loved, I have to be a winner.”
“Success equals worth.”
You’ll have your own versions, of course — we all do.
These rules often serve a purpose early on. But over time, we become so fused with them that we stop asking whether they’re actually helping. We follow them because they’re familiar. Because they are the rules — even if they’re quietly pulling us away from the life we want to live.
Where ACT Comes In
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a different way forward.
It helps us clarify what truly matters — not what others expect, not what we were taught, but what actually matters now, to us.
With ACT, we learn to:
Step back from rigid rules and self-defeating thoughts — so they no longer run the show.
Make values-based choices — not out of fear, avoidance, or obligation, but from purpose and meaning.
Commit to doing more of what matters, even when it feels uncomfortable — because meaningful change often is.
When we stop chasing someone else’s idea of success and focus instead on what really matters to us, meaning and vitality tend to follow.
It's Never Too Late to Start
If any of this resonates — if you're standing at the top of a ladder and wondering what now — you're not alone. This is the kind of work I do with clients every day.
If you are ready to make changes, please do get in touch.
Christian Hughes is a Psychotherapist, Clinical Supervisor, and Clinical Trainer, specialising in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, with expertise in Trauma, PTSD, and a special interest in Moral Injury. If you would like to know more, or to discuss working with Christian, please get in touch
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